A few months ago I played principal horn on Brahms's First Symphony with the Greenwich Symphony. If you know the piece, you know the fourth movement. That horn solo is one of the most exposed, most feared moments in the orchestral repertoire. The kind of thing that used to live in my body as dread for weeks beforehand.
This time was different. Not because I practiced harder. Because of where I played it from.
I was in flow the whole way through. Connected to myself. Feeling into the center of my body rather than bracing against the fear of the high notes. I wasn't managing my nerves. I was observing them with unconditional positive regard. I wasn't trying to avoid mistakes. I was just there, present, letting the sound come through me.
For 25 years I believed that kind of playing was something you forced into existence through control and preparation and sheer will. I now understand it's the opposite. That freedom was always available. It was underneath the fear the whole time. The work wasn't adding something. It was removing what was in the way.
That's what I want for every performer I work with. Not a technique. Not a fix. The experience of trusting yourself so completely that the music just flows through.